


muted cries

by lofikv



Category: Founder of Diabolism, The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Spoilers, Nightmares, Post-Canon, don't worry wangxian are still happily married, i found this in my drafts and now it's here, i just love wangxian HHH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 08:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20150479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lofikv/pseuds/lofikv
Summary: Wei Wuxian tries to cover his ears, but the screams of his heart keep on knocking on his covered ears, begging him to justlisten.One night, he uncovers his ears.





	muted cries

**Author's Note:**

> this is from a request i got from twitter based on the prompt ' things you said when you thought i was asleep' (i can't find the link to the original tweet for some reason D: )

Darkness envelopes every corner of the Demon-Slaughtering Cave, making it hard to see if there is even a living thing inside. An unforgivingly cold breeze blows past Wei Wuxian, making the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Behind him lies countless discarded talisman prototypes and scraps of metal thrown carelessly. The deafening silence pierces the demonic cultivator’s ears, making him heave and exhausted sigh.

_ What am I doing? _

_ What is the point of doing this? _

These questions were always on the forefront of Wei Wuxian’s mind, bugging him endlessly. He doesn’t know why he still puts up with all of the hate, the rejection, the  _ scorn _ he’s getting from the whole cultivation world. He knows that he can kill them all with just a few notes from Chenqing, but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to do it. Was it because of Jiang Cheng, his only family member left alive? Wei Wuxian doubts that the new sect leader of Yunmeng Jiang still considers him as family, but he still hopes that one day, they can walk side-by-side again, happy and content. Or maybe it’s because of the Wen sect disciples that he rescued, that maybe he fears that no one will protect them when a war between him and the rest of the world happens.

Deep down, he knew the answer to these questions. But Wei Wuxian is a very stubborn man, and he can’t admit a lot of things even to himself.

_ It’s because of Lan Zhan. It’s always because of him. _

Wei Wuxian throws his head back, groaning in exasperation. He can’t put a word on his emotions, but whenever he so much as let the Gusu Lan cultivator pass by his mind for even a millisecond, his heart aches and his eyes water. And for what? Regret? Hate? He can never find the right word for it, and that’s what makes him mad.

Could it be sorrow? Disgust? Pity? Longing?

Wait, what?

Staring blankly at the mess of paper scrolls in front of him, Wei Wuxian tests the word in his mouth. Longing?  _ I long for Lan Zhan? _ The word sounds strange on his tongue, but oddly befitting of his feelings.

Distantly, he thinks of the past, the peaceful times when he went to Gusu to study with Jiang Cheng. He thought of his first meeting with Lan Wangji, how his eyes went from mere curiosity to outright anger in a span of a millisecond. He thought of their time spent together trapped in the cave where the Xuanwu of Slaughter resided, the mellow tune of Lan Wangi’s voice haunting him. He thought of his pleading eyes, his almost  _ heartbroken _ expression while begging Wei Wuxian to return to Gusu with him. And lastly, he thought about their accidental rendezvous in Yiling the other day, his expression serene yet… empty.

One tear manages to escape from Wei Wuxian’s eyes, and then another, and another, until his cheeks are pathetically wet and his loud sobs startled him out of his thoughts. God, he is so pathetic. Crying for no reason now?

Wei Wuxian reminds himself that he’s the one who drove Lan Wangji away. That he’s the one who said they’re like oil and water, two elements that can’t be mixed together. He reminded himself that he doesn’t need Lan Wangji in his life, because what good can he cause him? He only knows how to create chaos to everything he interacts with. But here he is now, crying because he  _ misses _ him, for God’s sake.

_ Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan . _ His mind echoes.  _ I’m sorry, Lan Zhan. I’m sorry, please come back. I will come with you, I’ll never leave you again. Please, Lan Zhan, I lo — _

  
  
  


Wei Wuxian wakes up with a gasp, sitting up abruptly and messing up the neatly placed blanket on top of him. Mind still half-asleep, he glances back to the man beside him and sighed. Lan Wangji’s eyes are closed peacefully, his breathing stable and arms still tightly locked around his waist. After confirming that he is still inside the  _ jingshi _ and not back at the Demon-Slaughtering Cave, he laid down on the bed again.

Glancing at his husband, he whispers in the silence. “Lan er-gege, are you awake?”

No response.

Well, Wei Wuxian can work with that. Honestly, he doesn’t even want Lan Wangji to hear what he is going to say, he’ll just die in embarrassment. But he needs to let out these roaring thoughts now or else he’ll combust. “You know, these days, I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that you waited more than a decade for me to come back. You didn’t even know if I was coming back in this world in the first place, it’s just a pure coincidence that Mo Xuanyu sacrificed his body for me.” He chuckled.

“But despite the beatings you received, the disappointed looks from old man Lan and the other seniors, you still defended me in front of the. I have never experienced anyone do that for me. Hell, I didn’t even think that anyone would go through those lengths for me, but you proved me wrong once again.”

A gust of wind blows inside the  _ jingshi _ , making Lan Wangji’s bangs dance softly on his face. Endeared, Wei Wuxian swept the stray hair away and caressed his husband’s face, admiring the soft and supple skin of his cheeks.

“Thank you, Lan Zhan. Thank you for staying with me, for believing in me and for loving me with all of your heart. I can never repay the things that you did for my sake, but if there’s one thing that I can promise you, it’s that I will be here for you forever. I will fight with you and fight  _ for _ you.Fuck, I love you so much.” Wei Wuxian leans down and plants a featherlight kiss on the apple of his partner’s cheeks, his heart bursting with pure adoration for the man beside him.

Contented by his small declaration of love to a sleeping Lan Wangji, he rested his head on top of the other’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeats. A few moments passed, and he is already fast asleep again.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know if he started dreaming again, but he felt the ghost of a kiss on his forehead and a soft whisper of  _ ‘I love you too, Wei Ying. Sweet dreams.’ _ on his ears.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> wow it's been too long since i've posted here ahaha this has been in my drafts for too long so i decided to release it on chinese valentine's day (✿ ♥‿♥) and this is not beta read so pls don't mind the spelling/grammar mistakes i pROmise i will find the time to edit (and continue writing my wips) in the future :D
> 
> ...........and also... . . leave a kudos and/or a comment? (´；ω；`)
> 
> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/wan6ji)!!!


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